I remember being a little girl and reading The Secret Garden, by Frances H. Burnett. That book captivated my tiny mind and whisked me away to a world so magical that it etched itself into my very identity. I cannot recall to memory how many times I ran wild through the wooded acreage on the back of my parents' land, pretending that the overgrowth of trees and vines was my own secret garden. I was even so fortunate, one summer, as to find a little patch of vines across the creek that had formed itself into a dome, creating a little space for me to hide away and enter into my world of make-believe for hours on end. Those summers spent running carefree through woods which had the ability to morph into mystic and beautiful places right out of fairy tales hold some of my fondest and most deeply treasured memories.
Since reading The Secret Garden, gardens have been my mind's reprieve; my "happy place", if you will. When I accepted Christ at around 11 years old, my prayers consisted of me "walking" through a mental garden with Christ. I can recall quite clearly a white swing that He would push me on as we talked while I drifted off to sleep at night. Sometimes, with my eyes closed, I could actually feel myself swinging and smell the Spring breeze as it blew through my hair. Those were sweet, sweet times.
That garden is calling to me now. My spirit thirsts for those talks with my Lord, that intimate time in His company -- a time when the world my body resides in fades away as the world my spirit inhabits becomes a vivid reality. No longer can I convince myself that those times were just "silly childhood fantasies"; no more can I say "Oh, that was then. Prayer is different as an adult." I need that garden.
Tonight my Savior beckoned me to come to Him in our Secret Garden in a very tangible way. I had just gotten back in the car after feeding our pony and goats and switched the radio to The Word (the local Christian talk station) out of habit. Focus on the Family was on, and they were broadcasting a speech given by Elisa Morgan (who happens to be the President Emerita of MOPS, an organization near and dear to my heart!). She was comparing her spiritual walk to a Dixie cup garden (much like she does in this blog post that I found tonight), and talking about how we can plant the seeds, but must let God tend to the garden.
What happened next was magical, like something right out of one of those classic children's books I couldn't get enough off as a little girl!
The physical world around me faded away, and I was mentally transported back to my spiritual garden. I heard God clearly speak to my heart, saying, "Amy, you feel frustrated and without hope because you are looking at all the tiny seeds that haven't sprouted yet, and at all the weeds that I yanked up. But just look around. Look at all of the gorgeous plants that I have grown up around you!"
In my mind's eye it was as if the blinders were removed, and suddendly I saw all of these huge, healthy, beautiful, green flowering pants and vines and trees all around me:
A godly husband who has turned into a fearless and caring leader!
Four sweet babies, two of whom have already accepted Christ at such early ages!
Close relationships with my sisters -- both my birth sisters and my sisters in Christ -- to sustain me through the crazy days of being a wife and mommy of little ones!
Health, happiness, and peace for myself and my loved ones!
There were so many plants, taller and greener than any I've ever seen, that I was overwhelmed with gratitude. It is a good thing that I was at a long stoplight at this point, because I just put my head down on the steering wheel and cried out in thankfulness to my God!
A new burst of excitement has been injected into my prayer life now! I have a Secret Garden with a Gardener to tend to it, and He has promised me that He is caring for it -- and, consequently, my heart and dreams -- with a knowing and tender hand. All I have to do is give Him the seeds and sit back in faith while He works!
Will you give Him your seeds, too, my friends?
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Biggest Mess
Sometimes in this Great Big Blessed Mess, the messes surround us -- leaking sippy cups, potty training accidents, dishes that start to become science experiments. Being a Mommy is a dirty job filled with messes that others leave behind for the magical, invisible cleaning fairy (aka MOM) to deal with.
Sometimes, however, the biggest mess of all isn't surrounding me...it is in me.
We all have weaknesses -- internal hot spots that are prone to clutter. And just like a clutter prone counter or room in our home, once we allow that first piece of junk to sit there it will breed exponentially, until we have no idea how the chaos got there or how to get rid of it.
For me, that weakness is insecurity. One little feeling of rejection, one little comment I take too personally, and if I let it sit for too long it will start to reproduce all kinds of spiritual clutter. Soon that insecurity has turned to self-loathing, and self-loathing to confusion, and confusion to indignation, and indignation to entitlement, and -- finally -- entitlement to pride. Pride. Don't we always end up there, no matter where we start? For any separation from the Spirit must be rooted in pride. Somewhere along the way we decided we could do it without Him, we knew better than He did, or we deserve more than He has promised us.
So then what? When the mess within us has gotten out of control, where do we even start? We could get caught in the trap of "working" our way back, but hopefully we have grown in Christ enough (through all of our many past failings!) to realize that we can't work our way to anything. If we can't DO anything, then what DO we DO?
Searching Scripture, I have found that just like all it took was a little doubt to start the snowball of spiritual clutter, PRAISE GOD!, the reverse is true, also! If we can muster up the tiniest bit of faith, and let it sit there long enough, God will breed that faith exponentially within us through Christ! Listen to what He tells us in 2 Peter:
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." (2 Peter 1:3-9, NIV)
Thank you, Christ, for my eternal salvation! Thank you for the security of knowing that salvation has nothing to do with what I've done, but with who YOU are! Thank you for taking my tiniest seed of faith and doing the work to grow that in me, reversing in moments all of the pride I had let fester in my soul for so many weeks! I am undeserving, and your grace is overwhelming.
Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are!
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:8-10)
Sometimes, however, the biggest mess of all isn't surrounding me...it is in me.
We all have weaknesses -- internal hot spots that are prone to clutter. And just like a clutter prone counter or room in our home, once we allow that first piece of junk to sit there it will breed exponentially, until we have no idea how the chaos got there or how to get rid of it.
For me, that weakness is insecurity. One little feeling of rejection, one little comment I take too personally, and if I let it sit for too long it will start to reproduce all kinds of spiritual clutter. Soon that insecurity has turned to self-loathing, and self-loathing to confusion, and confusion to indignation, and indignation to entitlement, and -- finally -- entitlement to pride. Pride. Don't we always end up there, no matter where we start? For any separation from the Spirit must be rooted in pride. Somewhere along the way we decided we could do it without Him, we knew better than He did, or we deserve more than He has promised us.
So then what? When the mess within us has gotten out of control, where do we even start? We could get caught in the trap of "working" our way back, but hopefully we have grown in Christ enough (through all of our many past failings!) to realize that we can't work our way to anything. If we can't DO anything, then what DO we DO?
Searching Scripture, I have found that just like all it took was a little doubt to start the snowball of spiritual clutter, PRAISE GOD!, the reverse is true, also! If we can muster up the tiniest bit of faith, and let it sit there long enough, God will breed that faith exponentially within us through Christ! Listen to what He tells us in 2 Peter:
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." (2 Peter 1:3-9, NIV)
Thank you, Christ, for my eternal salvation! Thank you for the security of knowing that salvation has nothing to do with what I've done, but with who YOU are! Thank you for taking my tiniest seed of faith and doing the work to grow that in me, reversing in moments all of the pride I had let fester in my soul for so many weeks! I am undeserving, and your grace is overwhelming.
Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are!
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:8-10)
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
A Poem to Encourage
Long time, no see! So much is going on around our blessed little mess of a house that I haven't had much time to even think about blogging! I'll be back, though; just needing to take a little time to catch up with life. To hold you over in the meantime, here is a poem I stumbled upon while rocking a teething baby and flipping through old issues of Above Rubies. I pray I can be this woman that not only my children need, but the world needs, as well!
"Mothers the World Needs"
by Kathryn Blackburn Peck
Mothers with courage,
mothers who pray;
These are the kind
the world needs today;
Mothers who think,
who study and plan,
Mothers who laugh
as much as they can,
Having the gift that is
better than money--
The habit of seeing that
some things are funny.
Mothers whose faith
never wavers or falters,
Mothers whose spirits
the world never alters,
Loving the right and
scorning the wrong,
Facing the problems
of life with a song,
Mothers whose bravery
transcends their fears,
Winning the battle
with patience and tears,
Never submitting
to weakness or sin--
Storming heaven's gates
'till the children are in.
Mothers heroic,
not guilty of whining,
Hands graced with service
and faces with shining,
Mothers of purity,
virtue and faith,
Steadfast in life and
triumphant in death.
Looking beyond the dark
pathway of sorrow,
Seeking a home
in God's joyous tomorrow,
Leading the children,
pointing the way--
These are the mothers,
the world needs today!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Sweet Sacrifices
So many times, when people find out that I am pregnant for the fourth time in four years -- and that we don't plan on stopping at four -- they will say things like, "I have my hands full with (one, two)...I don't know how you will manage." I always wonder if they are really asking how I will manage, or why I will manage. If they are truly looking for the logistics, I'd be glad to spout them out. Yet something in their eyes makes me think that they are more curious as to why I manage. Surely anybody (especially one who is already a parent) can see that it does cost us more money, less sleep, and more personal sacrifices with each child we have. I think what is really being asked is why continue to sacrifice? What motivates me to keep going? Why lose more sleep? Why spend more money? Why forfeit years more of your life as you put these little ones above yourself?
The answer is simple.
LOVE.
My husband and I absolutely love everything about having kids. We love making babies, we love me being pregnant, we love the birthing process (well, it's a love/hate thing on my part), and we love those first sleepless days of getting acquainted with the look and feel of the little face that we have already loved since before they entered the world. We love first coos and first smiles and first steps and first words. We love having those sleepy babies become active toddlers, active toddlers become curious preschoolers, and curious preschoolers become well-rounded little kids (I'll get back with you when those kids start becoming teenagers....). There are countless sacrifices along the way, but those sacrifices are made out of our passion for our babies, and -- therefore -- we even love the sacrifices. My husband and I love being a team in this, working together to raise these tiny humans according to God's Word, and it brings us closer and closer to each other the more we go through.
This Thanksgiving weekend was a doozy. We had four houses to go to in a matter of two days. None of our children got naps of any reasonable length, I was staying up late working on some craft projects and cooking that needed to be done before the Thanksgiving meals, and -- the climax of the chaos -- my daughter broke her wrist and needed to get a cast. I think I averaged about three hours of sleep per night for five days straight. It was a trial and test of how much this 7.5-months-pregnant body could bear.
What I am learning is that God not only doesn't give us more than we can bear, and not only will He carry us in those times where we are running on less than fumes, but that He will draw us closer to Him through it all:
As I was walking literally in circles because I was so deliriously sleep-deprived that I couldn't even focus, my groggy mind was reminded of Christ being weary and needing rest, yet caring for His flock instead -- and suddenly my fatigue seemed as nothing.
As I was tempted to moan and complain about my achy pregnant body as I carried my fussy 15-month-old in the wee hours of the morning, the image of Christ carrying His cross AFTER having endured flogging flooded my mind -- and instantly my pain seemed minor and trivial.
And as I held the trembling body of my frightened and hurting four-year-old in the ER at midnight, I fought back tears as I heard in my soul "If you -- her flawed Mother-- can love her this much, how much more do you think I -- your perfect Father -- love you?".
Having many children is not for everyone. Having any children at all is not for everyone. The sacrifices specific to child-bearing and child-rearing are not the cross that all are meant to bear. But it is one way that I am learning to take up my cross and follow Him. All Christians are called to pick up their cross and follow Him. That cross comes in many shapes, sizes, life stages, and situations specific to each believer. Right now, my cross is that of being a wife and mother, and I will attempt to bear it joyfully and selflessly through Christ.
If He could sacrifice His life for His children, I can manage to sacrifice a few hours of peace and quiet here and there for mine.
He sacrificed out of love for me. I sacrifice out of love for them....and love for Him. These sacrifices are sweet and sacred when made through Him, and the rewards are beyond any pain that must be endured.
Love is always worth the sacrifice!
The answer is simple.
LOVE.
My husband and I absolutely love everything about having kids. We love making babies, we love me being pregnant, we love the birthing process (well, it's a love/hate thing on my part), and we love those first sleepless days of getting acquainted with the look and feel of the little face that we have already loved since before they entered the world. We love first coos and first smiles and first steps and first words. We love having those sleepy babies become active toddlers, active toddlers become curious preschoolers, and curious preschoolers become well-rounded little kids (I'll get back with you when those kids start becoming teenagers....). There are countless sacrifices along the way, but those sacrifices are made out of our passion for our babies, and -- therefore -- we even love the sacrifices. My husband and I love being a team in this, working together to raise these tiny humans according to God's Word, and it brings us closer and closer to each other the more we go through.
This Thanksgiving weekend was a doozy. We had four houses to go to in a matter of two days. None of our children got naps of any reasonable length, I was staying up late working on some craft projects and cooking that needed to be done before the Thanksgiving meals, and -- the climax of the chaos -- my daughter broke her wrist and needed to get a cast. I think I averaged about three hours of sleep per night for five days straight. It was a trial and test of how much this 7.5-months-pregnant body could bear.
What I am learning is that God not only doesn't give us more than we can bear, and not only will He carry us in those times where we are running on less than fumes, but that He will draw us closer to Him through it all:
As I was walking literally in circles because I was so deliriously sleep-deprived that I couldn't even focus, my groggy mind was reminded of Christ being weary and needing rest, yet caring for His flock instead -- and suddenly my fatigue seemed as nothing.
As I was tempted to moan and complain about my achy pregnant body as I carried my fussy 15-month-old in the wee hours of the morning, the image of Christ carrying His cross AFTER having endured flogging flooded my mind -- and instantly my pain seemed minor and trivial.
And as I held the trembling body of my frightened and hurting four-year-old in the ER at midnight, I fought back tears as I heard in my soul "If you -- her flawed Mother-- can love her this much, how much more do you think I -- your perfect Father -- love you?".
Having many children is not for everyone. Having any children at all is not for everyone. The sacrifices specific to child-bearing and child-rearing are not the cross that all are meant to bear. But it is one way that I am learning to take up my cross and follow Him. All Christians are called to pick up their cross and follow Him. That cross comes in many shapes, sizes, life stages, and situations specific to each believer. Right now, my cross is that of being a wife and mother, and I will attempt to bear it joyfully and selflessly through Christ.
If He could sacrifice His life for His children, I can manage to sacrifice a few hours of peace and quiet here and there for mine.
He sacrificed out of love for me. I sacrifice out of love for them....and love for Him. These sacrifices are sweet and sacred when made through Him, and the rewards are beyond any pain that must be endured.
Love is always worth the sacrifice!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Making New Family Traditions
This year we decided we would start a new tradition for Thanksgiving and make a family hand turkey. We had so much fun working on this simple craft together, and the kids got a kick out of the fact that Daddy's hand barely fit on a piece of construction paper! :o) I want to laminate it so that it will last through the years, and we hope to make one each year, showing how our family has grown -- both individually and with each new little addition!
Daddy's hand is in the back in dark blue, Mommy's is red, Abby's is orange, Corbin's is light blue, and Daniel's is green. If anybody has any ideas for how we can include Samuel (and any other additions that are in utero for future hand turkeys), we'd love to hear them!
(I used paint.net to color out our last name -- just in case you were wondering why all the blank spots).
I pray everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving, filled with family, fun, and food; but most importantly, filled with a sense of thankfulness and awe at all our Great Provider has done for us!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
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