Balance. Simplicity. Prioritizing. These seem to be the buzz words amongst busy moms these days. Whether working full time with kids in school and daycare, or staying home with a homeschooling brood, balance and simplicity are what most of us mommies seem to be grasping at, sometimes desperately.
I know I am. And I'm one of the desperate ones.
I can't tell you how many times I have sat down and tried to "prioritize" my life. I start mentally listing those things that are a MUST - food, sleep, shelter, time with God, time with loved ones. However, that list soon grows exponentially with needs ("to eat we have to grocery shop, to grocery shop we have to have money, to have money we have to spend hours maintaining our business records, to have a business we have to pay taxes, etc.") and goals ("I want to own land and farm it and get all my milk from my own cows that I milk every day") until the only thing I seem to have weeded out is my sanity!!
I have never, ever, been good at prioritizing.
Last night, though - I believe in an answer to prayer - a thought came to mind that completely changed the way I think about prioritizing. Actually, it was a question:
"What are you passionate about, Amy? Make your passions your priorities."
Hmmm....an interesting thought. But will that method really work? 'Cause I can guarantee you I am not passionate about paying bills. Or doing laundry. Or washing dishes....
But then I thought about it, and realized this just might work. I have a ton of things that I never seem to be able to keep up with that are always nagging me in the back of my head. Sewing, knitting, tatting, crafting, scrap booking, cooking 100% from scratch, decorating my home, gardening.....the list goes on an on. I felt a nudge from God to go through that list of things that I think I SHOULD be keeping up with, and really analyze which were my passions and which were just hobbies I enjoyed on an every-now-and-then basis.
Right now is no time for now-and-then hobbies. With four kids at home under the age of five (and no TV!) and a husband who works 70+ hours a week, this is a stage with room for survival and passion only.
I heard God clearly tell me that I had to cut myself some slack. In my dreams I will one day sew all of our clothing and cook 100% from scratch 100% of the time with food that came 100% from our own land, all while our baker's dozen of children run about my feet. But I can't expect myself to be that woman now. My husband and I were talking about how it is not the sustainable, simplified, self-sufficient lifestyle that is too much at this stage. It is the transition that is overwhelming. Finding land. Fixing up this house. Downsizing our material possessions. Schooling the kids. Maintaining my husband's business......
Getting to simplicity is just too darn complex.
One day. One day we will get to the dreams we have been talking about together for 11 years, and dreaming about separately for even longer. Until then, though, I need to have two kinds of priorities: priorities of survival and priorities of passion. (Side note: my husband is INCREDIBLE at prioritizing. I should have been doing things his way for a LOT longer!)
The survival list was pretty easy to come up with. What do we need to stay alive?
PRIORITIES OF SURVIVAL:
Time with God (prayer, study, worship, praise).
Food (grocery shopping, cooking, dishes).
Health (medical appointments, exercise, healthy eating, adequate rest).
Finances (work, bills, taxes, budgeting).
Shelter (having a tidy, sanitary, safe place to live -- decorating and obsessive cleaning do NOT fall in the survival category!!).
Clothing (having clean clothes to wear -- whether they come from being folded in a drawer or thrown in a basket doesn't matter, they just have to be CLEAN!).
The next list took a little bit more thought and prayer. What are those things that I am really passionate about? What are the things I could do all day and never get tired or stressed over them? What are the things that excite and energize me? Here is what I have come up with so far:
PRIORITIES OF PASSION:
Time with God (yes, this makes both lists!).
Time with my husband.
Time with my babies.
Reading.
Writing.
Educating myself and my children.
Spending time outdoors.
Building intentional relationships with women I feel God is directing my heart towards.
That's it.
I have to admit, the second list was a little painful to make. I had to really be honest with myself and confess that some of my hobbies were not truly passions right now. I love to sew, but it is not a passion. It can stress me out if I do it for too long or too often. Gardening is not my passion. I enjoy being outside and getting dirty, but I do tend to get distracted with all of my other passions and lose sight of my precious plants. Having to admit that some of the things that I love to do I simply cannot do well at this stage of life was a small blow to my ego. But honesty, especially with God and self, is definitely the best policy!
I feel like I can breathe for the first time in a long time. I suppose you could say I am finally giving myself a little bit of the grace that God has already given me. No more lofty expectations, no more comparing myself to other women. For the first time in my life I will allow myself to thrive in the things I am passionate about without thinking I have to excel at
everything. There is now no condemnation!
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
