I remember dreaming as a young girl of being a wife and mommy. Oh, I had other dreams as well: artist (HA! The naievity of youth....I am SO not creative!), a writer, a teacher, a musician; but these other dreams always remained in the back shadows of my glorious visions of being a stay-at-home wife and mother. I would wear long, flowy skirts with an apron around my waist. I would make home-cooked meals three times a day and the kitchen would be immaculate. My tidy country home would have a quaint charm about it that would make it a sweet haven for family and visitors alike. I would not yell, but be the kind of mom who always had an adventure planned to keep my perfectly behaved children entertained and delighted in the wonders around them. I would be skinny and beautiful and sweet and funny and eloquent and intelligent and a complete blessing to my husband and children. I can just hear the harps and see the bright halo over my head as I look back!
Now lets fast forward about 15 years. I am indeed married to the man of my dreams and the love of a lifetime. My highschool sweetheart and first kiss, I am more in love with my husband now than I was as a love-struck girl of sixteen! We have three gorgeous, intelligent, sweet children -- and another on the way. My family is more than I could have ever dreamed of, and they bring me joy immeasurable!
Oh yes, my dreams have come true! My family is all I ever could have imagined, hoped, and prayed for.
HOWEVER....
Me? Ehhh....that's where the dream went south.
I do not wear long flowy skirts and aprons on most days. Most days I am wearing yoga pants and my husbands huge t-shirts with stains on them.
While I love to cook and do so often, my kitchen shows it. There is, at any given moment, enough food beneath my toddlers highchair to feed an entire starving family. The sink is rarely completely empty, I don't know what color the burners on my stove were originally, and there is actually a chocolate milk stain on my ceiling. Yeah, don't ask.
We do not live in the country (yet) and my home is FAR from quaint and clean. Instead of a tidy charm to welcome visitors, there are many days where, if you showed up at my house unnanounced, I would just meet you on the porch to keep you from seeing the disaster that lies behind my front doors!
Four babies in four years works a number on a woman's body, I have perpetual "preggo brain", I lose my temper, and a good day is one where I get to take a shower AND get dressed in real clothes.
I am a MESS!
But, what peace in the lesson God is teaching me -- that in this mess there is beauty! I am not perfect, but He is. I am not capable, but He is. I am not worthy, but He is! And by loving Him, all my shortcomings are covered over by the grace of Christ! I am learning to delight in the stretchmarks on my stomach, the stains on my carpets, the little spaghetti fingerprints on my walls, and the mess that surrounds me. They are the result of the blessings of babies grown within me, a husband whose muddy boots cover hard-working feet, and little hands that have captured my very heart.
This mess is not born of laziness, but of love. And I love every moment of it!
So why don't you join me as I learn to praise God in the chaos of this stage of life? Let's revel in the beautiful messes that we are, knowing that the sacrifices we make as mothers of little ones are what really matters. Not designer clothes, not model homes, not fancy cars, not magazine bodies. But the scars and stains that show our hearts are focused on what it is all about: following Christ, loving our husbands, and nurturing our sweet little blessings!
It's a mess, but it's one beautifully blessed mess!!
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