Happy Dots

(written in September of 2008)

"MOMMA NEEDS A HAPPY DOT!!!!"

That would be what I screamed first thing this morning as I laid in bed. I woke up to a child on one breast and a husband attempting to molest from the other side. I swatted his hand, only to have two toddlers climb up in my side of the bed to say "Good morning." After a round of kisses and hugs, I felt like I had been elbowed and kneed by several bony monkeys. It was after getting a knee to the non-nursing breast (I need to call the "boob abuse hotline"), that I went on my Happy Dot rampage.

Some of you may be unfamiliar with Happy Dots. Let me explain. In my elementary school, a "Happy Dot" was a round, solid-colored sticker stuck to the gym floor to indicate where you were to place your rear. The Happy Dots were positioned so that everyone had their own "personal space." If you were touching someone else, odds were good your butt was not on your happy dot!

That was what went through my mind as my body was lovingly abused this morning. Where is Mommy's Happy Dot? Where can I place my rear so that nobody else can touch me?? There seem to be no personal boundaries as a wife and mother, especially in our home. We are a very touchy-feely, lovey bunch of people, and I wouldn't change that for the world. But sometimes, just sometimes, I would love to have some breathing room!

Nursing Daniel in my rocking chair, there is never a shortage of short people wanting to climb up and watch. Walking past my husband as he watches CSPAN, I can never manage to escape some sort of gropeage. I can't even pee in peace. If I even say, "I need to go the restroom," everyone seems to think it is an invitation to run to my bathroom.

The other day I just wanted to take a quick shower. Phil was home, so I told him to watch the kids for awhile. He does. But do you know where they end up playing? IN MY BATHROOM! Everyone thought it would be fun to come play in the bathroom and closet while Mommy showered. Really? We have 1600 sq. feet of house, two fully decked out bedrooms for the kids, and a toy room that looks like the North Pole crashed into my home, and the bathroom is the most interesting place to be? Seriously.

But after thinking about it, I decided that this is a form of flattery. The toy room is not the heart of the home. The bedrooms are not the heart of the home. No, not even the kitchen is the heart of the home. Wherever Mommy is, that's the place to be.

This is the joy and challenge of this stage of mothering. Balancing the needs of the husband, toddlers, and infants around us who thrive on our touch with the needs we have as individuals to sometimes find a "Happy Dot." Maybe your Happy Dot is a coffee shop or book store late at night after everyone has gone to bed. Perhaps you find your personal space is working out at the gym before everyone wakes up wanting and needing you. Or maybe you're like me, and sometimes your Happy Dot is simply locking the bathroom door and saying, "Mommy doesn't need help peeing this time. Thank you, though."

I will never forget one of my Mom's Happy Dots. It was our kitchen pantry. All of us children have fond memories of seeing a phone cord stretched across the kitchen and shut into the pantry door. You do what you have to do! I can't remember who it was at the moment, but a well known minister tells the story of how he and his siblings knew Mom needed some time whenever she threw her apron over her head. I love that story, but I think I'd need an apron with a force field to keep my kids out!

Wherever your Happy Dot may be, don't feel guilt in going there. We only emerge refreshed and renewed, more capable of providing the hugs and kisses and boundary-less love that our family needs. Teaching our children that Mommy occasionally needs personal space will not hurt their feelings or scar them in any way, but only reinforce the respect we are attempting to teach them for the needs of other people.

And yes, Mommy is a people, too!